Eat your heart out David Blaine!
The great Jai Paul, enigmatic and Raccoon-obsessed has dropped on the scene and Slow Death is feelin’ it. Hobofm, Dontdiewondering, and even the dreaded Pitchfork have all laid praise to this London phenom. Take a listen and hear the truth.
Our homie Dev, aka lightspeed champion, aka blood orange, rolled through Heathrow airport en route to NYC from Paris and got fucked. On his way home to gather some things before leaving NY for months, Dev was met with a series of unfortunate events. In adherence to the stringent Heathrow rules, Dev got to the airport in London two hours before his flight. The destination options on the Virgin Airlines electronic kiosque read many strange and far-off locales including Dubai, but not including his desired destination of JFK.
So, like any other disgusted and frustrated traveler, Dev waited impatiently in line for 40 minutes with no movement. He found a special desk for despondent travelers where a woman informed him that she had found his reservation; however, after his long wait he was 1 hr and 15 mins early for the flight and would not be able to board. His only option was a seat on a plane leaving the following day with a sneak-attack 500 pound cancellation fee. Dogged as he was and British as he is, Dev politely inquired, “Surely something can be done.” The woman responded, “Sorry, What?”–indicating to Dev that she was neither listening nor concerned.
At this point the details are fuzzy. Lightspeed bugged out, placing his middle-finger on the forehead of a Virgin employee, after which he smashed a luggage cart against the dispensing machine, causing a ruckus the likes Heathrow has never seen. He was, in short, thrown out of the airport by security. He is, in short, our hero. Dev has stood up to airport injustice, which goes unpunished day in and day out. Unfortunately for him, the only flight he was able to take was a direct flight to LA leaving our man with three shirts for three months, stranded in the abyss we call Silverlake. Please send Slow Death any donations for our young warrior.